The Cow Paradigm

"Cow [sic.] is a useful animal. It has four legs, one tail. It gives us milk..."

Sound familiar? This is the beginning of the standard essay entitled "Cow [sic.]", which every school student, I think, in India has written at some point in English, Hindi or some other language. The archetypal Cow was a saviour of sorts for me when I was a child. Of course, the whole theory was never really tested, but then we were taught to think first, then act. Thought experiments are important in my home. The Cow Paradigm is a fanciful name given to this theory of Appa's that everything can be boiled down to this one Cow Essay. Pick a word, any word. [Here's what my roommate came up with; this is a real-time experiment] Say the word "lamp": Allora,

The lamp in our room has not been turned on because it has a 50 Watt bulb which can light up a 10 and a half foot by 9 foot room up like an oven on a cold day, and like a blast furnace on a day which averaged 40 degrees C in the shade (of the room!). What I wouldn't give to have no clothes on when I am outside in the sun; like the cows that sit in puddles all day, naked, listless. The Cow is a useful animal...[ad nauseum]

And this, mon ami, is pure poetry compared to the crass ones we made up as kids! You don't believe me? Don't think it's a Universal? It's just the kind of thing the Diabolicals would love! But do try it, I'm just too bored to type one more now; I've done this with too many people too many times!