A year of watching

22.3.08

The world began to cloud
Till I could see nothing
except the bored eyes
I had only a passing interest in women
Aesthetic.
Rarely sexual.
i did not even find her beautiful.

She was languid,
dirty,
rich,
and virtuous.
She was slow,
could not take her liquor
and had a flabby stomach
over wonderful legs
She combed her hair with a vengeance
Kept secrets no one cared to know
(as if her life depended on them)
and wanted to keep a dog
in our room
of ninety four point five square feet
that is, four and a half
by ten and a half
per person

She had some deeper secrets
Which her life did depend on
And those she let slip
Inadvertently, sometimes
I noticed.
I was looking out for them.

She was naive
beyond repair

I hated her
And I loved her

With her money
and bodyguards
she was two dimensional

Those secrets she did let slip
Were the third dimension

She was human,
a person,
of loves and cares and petty grievances.

I did not know her at all.

I think I have been
Unkind
I she ever saw this
She would be very hurt

She lived with me a year
Which I think
in itself
is laudable

She never did me any harm,
She loved me (if in passing)

"Hated" is not true
I could never hate her
I just could not love her
for more than the length of saying so

She was sweet, this much i know
She was kind most of the time.
She had a quirky sense of humour.

I just did not know her at all.